Monday, July 20, 2009

I wish I could take credit for writing this, but I found this a couple months ago on the internet. It sums up how I think most of us feel who have lost a baby.
ANGEL BABIES WISH LIST

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him or her.

4. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you’re thinking of me. The truth is it tells me you care.

5. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

6. I wish you wouldn’t pretend my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

7. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I’m not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

8. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

9. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

10. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

11. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasn’t really a baby and it was blood and tissue or a "fetus". The truth is my baby was a human life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. My baby was a real person.

12. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

13. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again.

14. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby. Babies aren’t interchangeable.

15. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

16. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous. (This one may not apply to me personally!)

17. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

18. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

3 comments:

  1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!!! Reading it was like having thoughts plucked from my head. So very true!

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  2. Hi Jessica, I just clicked over from the Triplet Loss group on FB. Even though you didn't write this, I totally agree with the last one. My daughter had a birth defect, diagnosed at week 15, that we knew had a 50/50 possibility of killing her (she ended up dying at 30 weeks). People all along would say "I know things will be okay." Well don't you know they never came forward and said "Whoops, guess I was wrong" when she died, but you know theyw ould've said "I told you so" if things had turned out okay.

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  3. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

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